Its really hard to admit when you struggle with something. In fact, I usually deal with it on my own in prayer. But, although prayer is so important, there is something about opening yourself up to community and allowing God to work through others that can be just as meaningful.
For the last couple of days, I have been intensely internally dealing with my "comparingmyselfwithothers-itis".
Although it sounds silly, it can be incredibly debilitating. We question and second guess our choices. Time is lost mulling over simple conversations and interactions that didn't go the way we planned. We kick ourselves for being too tired after work to make anything but chicken nuggets and a can of corn.
I know exactly what has fueled my insecurity lately and it has been this right here. My blog and my bloggy world. I don't buy organic foods. My kids watch cartoons and back talk. I don't plan my meals in advance-- hot dogs and macaroni are a regular meal in our house. Our kids do and will go to public school. I will continue to work full time until I retire.
It isn't that others have made me feel this way. I believe all the blogs I read are written by really warm, loving women. They are quick not to judge and often say that it is just what works for them. It's my own voice attacking me. It's me that asks "well if it works for them, why not me?" I wonder what kind of wife, mother am I.
I know the truth-- that I love my family and am doing what we've decided is right for us. But some days it just doesn't feel like enough. Some days I buy the lies my insecurity is selling. And it is depressing.
I know that I'm not alone in the choices I've made, but I wonder if other women get this intense insecurity. Does it get you down like it does me? What have you done to combat your insecurities?
Yes Mali I hear ya! I have been struggling as well lately just thinking if I could just get a job my family could afford to do more things! Other women do it! Why can't I? Well because everyone's life is so different and we are all in different places in our life! Either we are finanically strained and can't do much but we have lots of time to spend with our family or we are well off financially, on the go to much and never have time for family! So hang in there~everyone has a story!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI have been there. I will have days when I worry and let my insecurities get the better of me. My sister in law works and has two kids just like me, and always seems to keep her house clean enough that she can have people over at the drop of a hat. I on the other hand could be found running around picking up toys and clothing and cheerios off the floor with one arm while flailing a toilet brush around in the other, petrified that the house isn‘t presentable and the doorbell is about to ring. Why can’t I seem to keep it together like that? Whatever. I may not always be as organized as I would like to be and yes I just fed my kids hotdogs last night (again), but I have a loving home. We are happy. I think that’s all we can really ask for ourselves. Cheer up, and don’t be so hard on yourself. By the look of the smiling faces in your header, you seem to be doing just fine to me! :)
ReplyDeleteBlessed by your honesty. Even without a family yet, it has sometimes been easy for me to get sucked into reading the way certain people do things and respect it but then realize I could NEVER live like that. In all my struggles of wondering and comparing, I've realized my number one goal should always be focused on following Gods will for my life. If that is my priority, my path becomes very clear and its easier to stop looking at everyone else's path.
ReplyDeleteI think we are all suffer with this. Like I have said we tend to post the "good" in our lives not the ugly. I'm a stay at home mom thats what I do but sometimes I struggle with not having a degree like maybe I'm not as good as those who do. You know what I mean? Satan loves to play on our insecurities. Thanks for being open!
ReplyDeleteI have gotten caught up in this from time to time...but mostly you have to let it roll off. My kids back talk too, I do plan meals, but it's just because I am not so good on the fly and I will end up ordering out. My kids will attend public school. I stay home, but it's only because we can manage (sometimes barely), and it's a choice I made for me and my kids...not because I think it's the choice all women should make.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing the very best for your family. Your kids wouldn't trade you for anyone else in the world! (even on the days you might want to trade them)
Don't let any of it bother you. Sad as it is, you have to also realize that some people do embellish. They want to portray something more than they have. I'm not putting anyone down, but others get caught up in the same thing as you. Just be true to you!
I read somewhere about the 8 points that will make you happy, and one of them is "not to compare with others"
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing such a personal issue. I get it too. For me, it is almost always that I don't work. I sometimes get self conscious about the fact that we don't have as much money as others; especially since the kids are in private school and most of my friends are pretty affluent. They all seem to have brand new everything and it sometimes makes me jealous. I feel left out because we can't afford to keep up with some of their activities and vacations...
ReplyDeleteI don't have an answer. Some times it bothers me and sometimes I feel confident that we are making the right choice. I get it. I know how you are feeling. Here's a ((hug)).
:)
I've made a career out of being imperfect. I know exactly what you mean. I sometimes read other blogs and think I am by far the most unorganized, scattered person ever. If I tried to make a meal plan, I'd forget where I put it!
ReplyDeleteMy kids often get "Hunter's Stew" because I haven't been to the grocery store and have to hunt the pantry for supper.
One of the wisest ladies I've ever known has 4 adult children that are all wonderful people. She said that she read somewhere once that no good could ever come from comparisons. No two people, two children, two situations are alike. And it's unfair to compare them as if they were. No one wins at the comparison game. Hang in there! You're doing the right thing for your family! Don't worry about everyone else's.
I can so relate to your feelings here. It is very easy to forget that blogs are a piece of a bloggers life...that it doesn't give the full picture...and the mom that is making amazing meals might not be doing crafts and the mom that has a ton of patience might not giggle and laugh with her children...just try to always end your days finding moments in the day that made you happy.
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