Gratitude

Every night before we go to sleep, Darin tells me what he is thankful for. Sometimes its silly (like he is often thankful for stuffing) and others much sweeter (thankful for a blanket to keep warm) and sometimes even profound (thankful that he knows someone loves him).

Sunday was a silly one, with him once again thankful for stuffing. I usually follow up with what I'm thankful for, such as family, a home, etc. That night was no exception. But what followed immediately was unusual for me.

As I lay back, about to doze off, I had what I can only describe as a God moment. Right there, in the middle of Darin's room with his wiggly little 5 year old body laying next to me.

This warm, comforting blanket of intense gratitude covered me. It was like in one moment every blessing in my life played over like a movie through my head and I was in tears. I was so touched by the small and great things. It may have only lasted 30 seconds, but it was really amazing. I just felt so full of the holy spirit right then and more thankful than I can remember being in a long time.

Then something whispered to me. God told me that I did nothing to earn what I have and that the fact that I have these things doesn't mean He loves me any more or less than people with other lots in life. In fact, and I remember this thought crystal clear, thirty years ago on the same day I was born, another daughter was born far away from me (I got the feeling of Africa, but I don't know).

And she has never experienced any of what I have. She's never felt a full stomach, never slept comfortably in a bed, never experienced a home of safety. But He loves her, dearly, just like He loves me.

I've been thinking about this ever since. And, like I said before, it was such an intimate moment, in the middle of my ordinary, everyday life that I almost couldn't share it.

I'm still questioning what I'm supposed to do with it. I'm not sure if this was a God FYI or a challenge to try to reach this woman or women like her. I'm still processing and I hope He clarifies for me soon.

This post hasn't begun to do this God moment justice. I wish I could somehow share the experience physically with you. But it was great and I hope that I never forget it.

And hopefully, soon, maybe God will send me a little memo or something about what I'm supposed to do with this other woman/women.